Jeremy Lin Shocks N.B.A. Ball Hogs with Selfless Play

NEW YORK: Jeremy Lin’s stunning performance Wednesday night at Madison Square Garden continues to shock N.B.A. enthusiasts, who have little to no idea how to play the game selflessly. One New York Columnist went so far as to call ‘Lin-sanity’ a completely different sport.

“He passes the ball, kicks it out for three pointers to other players, what the hell is he doing out there?” Said the reporter who did not want to be identified.

N.B.A. players are as confused as anyone else who watches Jeremy Lin play the game. “I caught his game Wednesday night, I was confused when I watched him pass the ball, and set allee-oops for other players,” said Shaquille O’Neal. “I thought the game was just dribbling down and shooting, which I did very well, I might add.”

Fans are excited to see someone play selflessly on the court. Merv Alberto could not contain his enthusiasm. “Yes! Finally, someone that plays like there’s four other guys on the team, I haven’t seen that since 1975!”

N.B.A. pundits believe the game will return to its normal ritual, where players walk, head fake, shoot and then casually stroll back. “This is a fad, no one can play like that, there are too many endorsement deals on the line to play like you’re actually on a team.”

Lebron James, one of the N.B.A.’s star players, agreed with pundits and hoped the game returned to its recent roots. “Those other four guys, who wear the same uniform as me? Their job is to pass me the ball, and make me look awesome. That’s all they need to do, and if they did that more often last year, Miami would have had a championship. I’m just that good.”

The Harvard graduate played his unusual style of play Wednesday by kicking out passes to open players, rebounding 13 shots and scoring twelve assists.

“An assist? What’s that? I thought that was when the water boy assists me with a towel or water bottle,” said Kobe Bryant.

N.B.A. ball hogs, you’ve been Goosed!

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3 thoughts on “Jeremy Lin Shocks N.B.A. Ball Hogs with Selfless Play

  1. Love your article… it is so true and that’s why I stopped watching basketball games until Linsanity caught my attention recently.

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