Kleenex Pursues One Week-Long Endorsement from Tony Romo

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. (AP) – The Kimberly Clark corporation is pursuing a short-term endorsement by Tony Romo for the Kleenex brand. Based on the divisional match up on New Year’s day between the Cowboys and the Giants, executives at the company see this as an opportune time to sponsor an athlete who is apt to shed tears on a regular basis.

“He’s a cryer, pure and simple, a softer man than most, and Kleenex will be the brand that absorbs his tears,” said Phil Slymms, Brand Manager at Kimberly Clark. “Should he agree to endorse the brand, we’re also offering a lifetime supply to any and all Dallas Cowboy athletes.”

Jerry Jones, owner of the Cowboys, was not amused. “This is an outrage, what kind of son of a bitch is going to root against America’s team. He’s a hero for Christ’s sake, he ain’t no cryer!”

According to the press release, which was made public after the Eagles / Cowboys game on Saturday, Tony Romo will be paid $35,000 to sponsor the Kleenex brand for seven days. The deadline to commit is Thursday, December 29th.

“This will give us time to stock Kleenex branded products before the Giants and Dallas match up. We’ll feature Tony Romo’s face and we plan to make it tasteful, and in the spirit that is often associated with Tony Romo. Namely, losing.”

Dallas Cowboy’s medical trainer, Dr. Carl Sagan, provided some perspective on Romo’s crying issue. referring to the injury he sustained in the Eagles game on the 24th, he said, “It was a bruise, nothing more than that, and his eyes welled up with tears over an hour. If there’s a steroid one can take for crying, Romo is obviously taking it.”

ESPN analysts anticipate the Cowboys and Giants match up to result in what many are calling the Super Bowl of tears for an athlete like Tony Romo. “On the road… night game… last game of the season… the pressure is on,” said Ron Jawborsky, “What do you think the odds are that Tony Romo’s is going to have an emotional meltdown? That Kleenex deal is the best offer he’ll see, until the St. Louis Rams try to pick him up on as a third stringer next season.”

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