Suspected Mountain in Iran Producing Crops, Not Centrifuges

WASHINGTON DC: CIA Experts were stunned to discover that the Iranian site suspected of producing nuclear material is being used for crop production.

According to satellite analysts and photographs shared with reporters, Iran is in the early stages of developing industrial-sized vegetables. “According to visuals obtained from the Hubble telescope, Iranian farming methods have been significantly upgraded,” said Leon Panetta, Director of the CIA.

Follow up questions about what was being produced prompted Leon Panetta to reply, “It appears the Iranians have discovered farming methods that enable them to produce massive root vegetables. They appear to be growing giant carrots in the photographs.”

Closer examinations revealed not only the size of the carrots, which are two stories tall, President Ahmadinejad himself is involved in the process.

“This is something we did not foresee, and it concludes our investigations into Iranian nuclear processing.”

Lawmakers on capital hill, those committed to pressuring Iran, tried to make sense of the facts. “It’s still a threat, and a big one. What will they do with those giant carrots? Huh? Launch them at Tel Aviv? Not on my watch,” said Armed Services Chairman, Howard McKeon. “We have to ascertain what the Iranians intend to do with them.”

“It’s a giant orange nuclear bomb! Why doesn’t anyone see this, send in the Navy Seals!” screamed Former Vice President, Dick Cheney.

Chinese ambassadors in Washington affirmed their alliance with Iran and explained how the countries have worked on together the project. “This is a joint Iranian, Chinese initiative. We’ve got a lot of mouths to feed, and we’ve been testing industrial-sized farming for years,” said Som Yun Guy.

Concerns about Iranian intentions have shifted to the Food and Drug Administration for now. “No way, they pulled it off?” said Chairman Andrew von Eschenbach. “Man, and all this time we thought they were spinning centrifuges. The seeds must be huge!”

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