ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN: Representatives from Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign confirmed that the nominee’s funds have started to run short. Other news sources, such as the Huffington Post have confirmed this as well.
In an effort to stem the financial bleeding, a new approach is being taken to raise fresh cash. Mitt Romney has agreed to endorse consumer products and services.
“We feel this provides consumers with a feel for what brands Mitt Romney prefers,” said Ronald Trump, the campaign’s finance minister. “And frankly, the money situation is pretty bad. At least the Cheerios sponsorship will cover the payroll this week.”
Brands such as Cheerios, Coca Cola, The Harford Insurance Company and Shell Oil have signed deals that will provide logo exposure at all events, and on Mitt Romney’s person.
Mitt Romney responded via email, “I felt it was the right thing to do. I’m campaigning for the American people, and to keep the campaign going, I’ll do what it takes and tout these terrific American brands.”
“We got him on the cheap,” said Kenneth Lay, Marketing Director for Shell. “It was kind of sad, he asked for a two million dollar fee. I told him we could offer one million, and then he signed the contract for $1.1 million. His negotiation skills are on par with his debating abilities, which is why he’s in this situation.”
GoDaddy.com has signed an exclusive deal with Mr. Romney, timed to coincide with the week leading up to Super Tuesday. “We’re pleased to have Mitt Romney in the mix. We think the candidate and Danica Patrick will compliment each other and raise our awareness levels to new heights,” said GoDaddy CEO, Bobby Parsons.
When asked what additional marketing efforts were being made, Mr. Parsons responded, “Body painting of course, just like our Super Bowl commercial. The girls are going to paint Mitt in a fresh coat of red paint, since he’s a Republican after all.”
Mitt… you flip, then you flop, then you get Goosed!