HOLLYWOOD: Newt Gingrich attempted to crash the Oscars tonight, with help from the host of the event, Billy Crystal. Citing that Gingrich was his guest, the nominee was apprehended wearing a Dolce Gabanna black dress, one specially designed for the occasion.
“When he asked me for help, I thought it would be a great gag,” said host Billy Crystal, “I thought he looked marvelous. But the gag’s on me. It cost me $20,000 to bail him out.”
Newt Gingrich explained to reporters his logic behind the incident. “I was just having fun, trying to raise my awareness levels before the next primaries.“
Oscar security guards were not amused when they separated Mr. Gingrich to verify his identity. “Fortunately, he had on his person identification that confirmed he was Newt Gingrich,” said security official, Teddy Murphy, “I must say it was a bit uncomfortable when he removed his identification from his bosom however.”
Reports and photographs indicate that Mr. Gingrich was not about to go quietly, and for a moment he grabbed the life-size Oscar trophy. “He threatened to make a scene and was very upset, but he calmed down after we threatened to tazer him.”
Billy Crystal posted bail for Mr. Gingrich at 7:30 PM, then returned shortly thereafter to the Kodak Theatre.
Vanity Fair representatives immediately issued an invitation to Mr. Gingrich for their after party. “If he shows up wearing that dress, we’ll guarantee him a cover story.”
Newt… You’ve been Goosed!