Beside him were two representatives from his talk show, a man and a woman, and John Boehner, the Republican House Speaker.
“The time has come my conservative friends to stand firm! We must ridicule that slut Sandra Fluke for everything she believes in,” said Rush Limbaugh. “Contraception is a man’s choice, not a woman’s! We’ll dictate when we want to knock them up!”
Suzie Rodham, a twenty-something spokeswoman for Rush Limbaugh’s show, was asked by the host to step forward to speak to reporters. “Rush is… he’s right. Women like Sandra Fluke are wrong on so many… wait, I’m sorry.” The spokesperson paused. “What the hell am I doing. Rush, you’re such an asshole. I quit.” She promptly left the stage.
“Ah ha! Another whore leaves the fold, I am your shepherd, get back here if you ever want to work again!”
The other spokesperson, a man in his forties followed by grabbing the microphone from Rush’s hand. “That’s enough, my wife takes birth control for medical reasons. Anyone who denies women the right to medicate their fertility is a douche bag. Rush, go shove it up your ass, I quit!”
Camera flashes illuminated the tantrum-like veins popping from Mr. Limbaugh’s face and neck. His face red with anger, he pounded the podium with his fists. “No! No! No! Not a soft-bellied man too! What’s this world coming too! Sluts! They are all sluts!”
The host then turned to John Boehner. “John, are you with me? Will you stand firm and use religious freedom as our excuse to control a woman’s body? Huh?”
John Boehner calmly stepped forward and took the microphone from Rush Limbaugh’s trembling hand. “I believe in the right for men-”
“Yes!” screamed Rush.
“For men like yourself to have unfettered access to Zanex, or Lithium or any other prescription one needs to regain the ability to have rationale thoughts,” said House Speaker Boehner. “You have a history of pill popping, but in this case, I think that’s a good thing.”
Limbaugh, we’d recommend you relocate to a desolate island with a short-wave radio that’s short on battery life. You’ve been Goosed!