JERSEY CITY, NJ: Press agents for Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) made the announcement today that she is indeed pregnant. Discovering who the father is will require a significant number of paternity tests, which is taking place in roughly forty countries.

In the process of confirming the young woman’s pregnancy, Medical Practitioners addressed several side affects of Snooki’s promiscuous lifestyle. “We’ve provided medications that will cure Snooki of chlamydia, crabs, syphilis, herpes, herpes simplex five and a rare STD found only in remote hillside tribal Fijian villages. How she picked that last one up we have no idea.”

305 men around the country have agreed to take paternity tests, according to family planning officials. International authorities were also put on alert when word spread on the web about Snooki’s pregnancy.

Silvero Banderas, the local Captain of the Ibiza police force in Spain, experienced what it was like to have Snooki party on…

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