“Michael Vick has done a terrific job rehabilitating himself,” Said Todd Schnozer, spokesperson for the animal rights organization. “The fact that we haven’t had to bury a dozen of his pets in the past fours years represents an improvement.”
Other animal rights groups were not so pleased with the decision. P.E.T.A. spokesperson Rhodesia Ridgeback plans to protest. “The man should not be allowed to own a gold-fish, let alone an animal he used to slaughter for fun. What’s next, paroling Charlie Manson and giving him a copy of Mein Kampf and a machete?”
The Eagles organization chose not to speak on the subject. “The less this issue comes up, the better. Frankly it’s hard enough keeping one eye on the murderer on our team, let alone a former dog-fight trainer,” said Andy Reed, the head coach.
Michael Vick appeared with his friend Philip and new Shitszu, Fee Fee. “He is so precious, and his little bow just makes the whole ensemble appeal to my feminine side. I feel so safe having him in my arms.”
“Wait until I get him in my arms,” said Osi Umenyiora, the Giants Linebacker. “When I’m done with him he’s going to wish he got put down before the game this Sunday.”