NEW YORK: The United Nations General Assembly voted unanimously this week that Ahmadinejad is the global authority when it comes to being an asshole.
“We have certain definitions within the diplomatic community. There are elder statesmen, moral authorities figures, however no one disagrees that Ahmadinejad has assumed the rightful crown of asshole. He takes the cake,” said the United States Ambassador, Susan Rice.
The General Assembly debated for thirty-five seconds prior to the vote. Two countries that supported Iran in the past, Syria and China, did not abstain nor object to the vote. “We’re not role models when it comes to moral behavior,” said Syrian diplomat, Shaume’ OnMea, “but there’s no bigger asshole in the world than Ahmadinejad.”
“An underground nuclear facility, beneath a two thousand foot mountain? Come on. Man up Iran! Don’t be a bunch of pussies, just build a nuke,” said the Chinese Ambassador, Wu Tang Clan.
Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu high-fived dozens of ambassadors in the audience. “After I drew my Bibi bomb, I realized my artwork wasn’t appreciated. But I grabbed a random New York paper, and go figure, Ahmadinejad was on the front cover.”
Jewish leaders in New York applauded the U.N., which they have not done in unison since 1948 when the U.N. recognized the right for Israel to exist. “The U.N. jerks take up all the east side parking spots! But on this one, we’ll cut em’ a break,” said former New York Mayor, Ed Koch. “And Israel is going to shove a suppository straight up Iran’s keister if they keep up the nuke thing, only it will be in the form of a hundred cruise missiles.”