KENNEBUNKPORT: Bending to the reality of the upcoming election, Mitt Romney has chosen to target enthusiast groups he can relate to. Polling experts believe that he his little to no chance to win support from women, minorities, students or retirees, who constitute 84% of the electorate.
His new approach, an outreach program to Ballet enthusiasts, is a group his campaign managers feel is winnable. “We don’t have much to work with, so we’re going to micro target these elitists,” said campaign manager Karl Rove. “Let’s face it, rich people love other rich people, and we thought it wise to show how Mitt is really trying to win their vote.”
“I have to say, I was a bit taken aback with the final picture, but if it secures votes from Ballet enthusiasts, I’m all for it,” said candidate Romney.
Annie Leibovitz, the photographer, provided some perspective. “Are you kidding me? He whined the entire time we were on location, bitching about Obama this and Obama that. I told him, shut the fuck up already. This guy needs new advisors, he’s out of his element.”
Ms. Leibovitz is not the only one concerned that Mitt Romney is receiving bad advice. The acclaimed conservative pundit, Peggy Noonan, voiced her concern in her Wall Street Journal blog last week.
During Mitt’s downtime, he is trying out elitist sports and hobbies in preparation for other outreach initiatives. Polo is next on the target list, where fans of the sport will see a similar visual approach.
“As you know, my family’s horse won silver at the Olympics. I’ve been collecting thoroughbred horses since I was a teenager. I hope riding one wins me a gold with voters,” said Mitt Romney.
Esther Rockefeller, an avid Ballet fan, summed up her response to the Black Swan picture and Polo initiative. “I’d advise him to be cautious, the worst thing he could do is look like an ass riding on an ass, but it’s probably too late for that.”