NEW YORK: Reports circulated today that Mitt Romney was both confused and bewildered during last night’s debate. “He’s upset that both Obama and the moderator called him out on his bullshit statements,” reported one unnamed source.
Cable news outlets and flash polls reflect the general consensus that Obama won the debate. Unlike the first contest, when Jim Lehrer lost complete control and Romney ran wild with the microphone, people weighed his words more carefully.
“Oh yes, it was quite refreshing to see Candy Crowly call out Romney on how misinformed he was. I’ve been waiting for that since the first Republican Presidential debate. It’s only about nine months overdue,” said Town Hall participant, Jeremy Hirsch.
Paul Ryan was concerned with the consequences of having their plans altered by the truth. “He’s beside himself, he’s not prepared to be accountable when he usually just wings it,” said Ryan’s Aide, Joe Isuzu.
In the next debate, Romney plans to speak more honestly and answer actual questions. “This is a new tactic we’ve never tried before, but we’ll give it a shot. It’s frustrating when you’re competing against someone who exudes a small amount of integrity, Romney doesn’t possess that,” said Campaign Manager, Karl Rove.