WYCKOFF, NJ: A disheveled zombie was spotted at the Stop & Shop in Wyckoff New Jersey last night, apparently trying to prepare for the forthcoming hurricane. Store employees were amused but armed themselves in case of trouble.
“He was suspicious, he reeked of something nasty, but we did not call authorities,” said Francis, the late-night clerk. “When we saw him pick up a pack of Orbit, it was odd, but pretty amusing.”
The Zombie strolled down four different aisles, picking up odd products and putting them back. In one instance, he chugged half a container Coffee-mate Half & Half, then threw it against an end aisle display.
He then proceeded to squeeze a package of eggs, sniffed the drippings, and placed them back, appearing somewhat embarrassed by the mess.
One local resident was not amused. “That freak should have been tossed in the back of a squad car and dumped in a cemetery. This is Stop & Shop, not Slop and Drop.
He left the premises shortly after midnight. The store manager reported that he walked off with a twelve pack of Orbit Wintergreen Chewing gum. Given the smell emanating from the half dead zombie, employees were hopeful he’d use the stolen merchandise.