“Our troops fought bravely, and we have routed the militants. They are running scared out in the sand dunes!” said French General, Jacques Clouseau.
French citizens did not know how to respond to the victory. “We won? Sac le bleu! I have never heard of such a thing!” Said one local resident in Paris.
According to official military records, the French have not won a single war, or major battle, since they defeated the Algerians in the 1830’s. Images of French soldiers in World War Two often depict men raising their hands in surrender, or entire armies in full retreat.
French politicians were reportedly ready to wave white flags out of their office windows before they read news stories about victory. “We won? Really? Wow, I’m not used to being proud of the army!” Said French President, Francoise Hollande.
Many politicians had their surrender flags passed down them by ancestors who rarely if ever knew what it was like to win a war.