Star Wars Fans Rejoice: J.J. Abrams Plans To Whack Jar Jar Binks

HOLLYWOOD:  Within the Star Wars community, fans are celebrating two major announcements. Jar Jar  J.J. Abrams, the Director who revived the Star Trek franchise, is planning to do the same for Star Wars.  The first scene he plans to shoot is Jar Jar Binks’ death, which according to many fans, could not come soon enough.

“George Lucas was innovative with the Jar Jar Binks character.  He related to children, he was playful and stupid at the same time and it got kids hooked on the series,” said J.J. Abrams.  “To adults, he was annoying, repetitive and many thought he came across like a Rastafarian Doufus.  I look forward to putting him down.”

Star Wars fans had to wait seventeen years before they saw the next series’ installment after Return of The Jedi.  When The Phantom Menace was released, it was warmly received, however enthusiasts lauded the Jar Jar Binks character.  “It was like a reunion among friends that went bad,” said a local fan of the series, “Imagine you spend you’re twenties waiting to reunite with children you played with growing up, and one turns out to be an inarticulate brain-dead stoner.  That was my Jar Jar experience.”

The character’s unique voice was hard to understand, and his oversized ears and iguana-like eyes drew out a firestorm from movie critics.

“It’s an example of what has to go in the franchise, we need real characters,” said J.J. Abrams.  “I may get flak for this, but Jar Jar’s going to get whacked in the first five minutes of the next installment.  When he does, I know the audience will vindicate my decision and they will roar with approval.”

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