Weather Channel Touts ‘Crippling’ Blizzard To Spike Ratings

DoomsDay = Pay Day For Weather.com

NEW YORK:  Weather Channel Producers have one eye on weather forecasts and the other on profits, according to industry sources.  In what equates to a cross-eyed business perspective, Weather.com is preaching doom to spike ratings.

At noon on Thursday, Weather.com touted the following headline:

bitchslap Experts believe a small portion of New England will see twenty-plus inches of snow, however, the majority of the area will not see adverse weather conditions.

“There will definitely be a few hard-hit areas, but we need paranoia on a wider scale to make serious coin,” said Jim Catorny, the Weather Channel forecaster.  “So by tomorrow morning, we’ll use footage from the movie, The Day After Tomorrow, to instill serious chaos.”

At 5:30 PM, dire weather predictions were extended to the New York City Metro area.  Storm Field, a former Weatherman for WNBC in New York, took issue with the decision.   “Weather.com peckers, they are trying to make it rain… rain with money!  We’ll get three inches at most in Manhattan.  Those Weather Channel guys are greedy sons a bitches.”

Weather.com plans on running several eye-catching visuals on their homepage, which were shared with the Goose (below).

New England

advise you

inlaws

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