NEW YORK, NY: The media frenzy that took place at JFK Airport, where Kanye West and Kim Kardashian skipped security lines, has resulted in a court order. They are required to attend etiquette classes.
At Brooklyn’s 3rd District Court, Judge Harold T. Stone ordered the celebrities to a weeklong session. “This is long overdue, what the two of you possess in terms of media attention, you lack in manners. Everyone’s sick of it.”
The judge also referenced the incident when Kanye West stole the microphone from Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Music Awards (video featured below).
Both are now attending classes at the Excelsior Etiquette School in Manhattan. Instructors have reported little to no improvement.
“Kim is at least trying, that much I’ll give her. Kanye is a basket case. Rarely have I seen someone so resistant to proper manners. Wolves exude better temperaments than Kanye,” said the school’s founder, Winthrop Drummond.
Kim Kardashian has not grasped the fundamentals of posture. Her teacher spoke to reporters. “If she can learn to balance a book on her head as well as she balances it on her buttocks, she’ll be fine. The only part of her body that doesn’t slouch is that backside of hers.”
Kanye’s table manners have required the assistance of several instructors. “He eats like he sings, his mouth is always open and there seems to be no end, just like his lyrics.”