ATLANTA: On the heals of their Boston bombing news debacle, CNN has decided to lower the bar in regards to the accuracy of their news coverage.
“We’ve decided that if we’re correct half the time, that’s good enough,” said Teena Turner, head of broadcasting. “If we screw up a story, we’ll still be twice as accurate as Fox News.”
On Wednesday the 17th, CNN featured five continuous hours of, ‘Breaking News’ coverage, which consisted of Anderson Cooper and Erin Burnett guessing who among the millions of Boston residents was the actual perpetrator.
“It was like watching a couple of blind men in a pitch black room throwing darts at a board,” said PBS anchor, Jim Lehrer. “They revealed nothing, provided no value and the viewer was left to guess what the breaking news was.”
Media experts believe the ongoing commercial advertising activity, during last night’s broadcast, will bring a hefty profit to the network. “Money talks, right bitch?” Said Teena Turner.
CNN Producers decided to formally associate meteorology with Journalism, which will provide them with the excuse to use weather forecast accuracy when it comes to CNN news coverage. “This will take the burden off our reporters who struggle valiantly to provide accurate news. If they only fuck up one out of two times, they will inevitably be a success here at CNN. That’s how Erin Burnett got her job.”