BRONX, NY: Yankee management has made final arrangements for A-Rod’s send off, which will include a game ending roast of the steroid-tainted professional.
They clarified that it would not be a comedic roast. They plan to literally roast him at the stake. Following the MLB banning A-Rod from baseball tomorrow, A-Rod will be burnt alive On Friday, August 2nd. Brian Cashman has ordered the stake be placed on the pitcher’s mound in Yankees Stadium.
“That son of a bitch tarnished the pride of our team’s history. When he juiced, we felt goosed. Payback’s gonna be a bitch,” said Mr. Cashman, the General Manager of the Yankees.
Tickets to the event will go on sale tomorrow for $5.00. In honor of the affair, smores will be made available for sale.
Fans are looking forward to A-Rod’s departure from the team. “Now’s we can afford to buy some new winnahs. We’s don’t have to pay that A-Rod anotha dime. See ya!” Said an incredibly hairy Italian man from his stoop in Bronxville.
A-Rod’s ashes will be scattered in urinals and in toilets at the stadium. All proceeding flushes will eventually remove A-Rod’s presence from Yankee history.
“I hope I can get to the stadium to give A-Rod a final farewell,” said Juan Valdiaz, a lifelong Yankee fan. “I plan on hitting Taco Bell a few hours before the game so I can drop a spiced-up deuce on his ashes before I flush.”