WASHINGTON DC: Chris Christie celebrated his birthday on Capital Hill, which was short lived when the Governor inhaled the cake in five bites.
“That guy can stuff it. Maybe he snapped his stomach band or something,” said Senate Majority Leader, John Boehner. “I mean, Jesus Christ, two hands? No utensils?”
Congressional staffers were halfway through the birthday song before they witnessed a famished look appear on Chris Christie’s face. “He was red in the cheeks, his lips trembled, then he tore into it like a starved 600-pound alligator.” observed Nancy Pelosi.
Christie proceeded to chug a quart of milk and demand more cake. When waiters told him there was nothing left to consume, he stormed out of the room.
Shortly thereafter, police departments started receiving calls that a rabid man with a foaming mouth was roaming the streets of the city. An investigation concluded it was Chris Christie in search of more cake. The icing that covered his mouth confused several onlookers.
Several bakeries were ransacked and upended when they did not supply Christie with enough cake to satiate his appetite.