HOLLYWOOD: Stephen Colbert won an Emmy for Outstanding Variety Series last night, overtaking Jon Stewart’s Daily Show after ten failed attempts.
“It has been a long time coming, I finally trumped the son of a bitch. Suck it Jon!” Said Stephen Colbert.
Mr. Colbert accepted the award with an entourage on stage, the result of years of promises made to his coworkers. “I promised several writers in year one. They held me to it in year two. Then a few more whined they wanted to come when we were nominated again and again. They’re all jackals, I couldn’t shake them!”
“He says it’s the passing the torch. It’s more like passing a kidney stone,” said Jon Stewart. “Happy for him, I am not! This sucks! Eat me Colbert!”
Late in the evening, Stephen Colbert was reported driving a Porsche on the grounds of Jon Stewart’s Los Angeles estate. He was doing doughnuts in his driveway, tossing DVD’s of Daily Show recordings out his window. “Not good enough this year! How does second place feel bitch!”