EAST RUTHERFORD: Eli Manning was peppered at Newark Airport with dig biscuits early this morning, according to local officials. Fans chanted it would take years for him to get out of the doghouse.
“Yo! Ya Gump-lookin’ dwebe, 15 inta-ceptions? Are you freaking kidding me?” Yelled Artie Conesco, a very local and very hairy Italian Giants Fan. “Eli, you suck!”
Tom Coughlin insured the perpetrators were arrested. “Now that’s a disgrace, giving poor little Eli a tough time. He’s got that sibling rivalry to contend with, think about his feelings.”
Mike Lupica of the NY Daily News provided his perspective. “He’ll be run out of town come this February. I wish Eli good luck with the Browns next season. Given the shit show we’ve been witnessing, that seems like an appropriate team for him.”
The Giants latest flop happened last night when they lost to the Chicago Bears, 21-27. On the last play of the drive, Eli threw his 15th interception of the season.
Psychologist believe the Giants game against the Broncos earlier this season put Eli into a state of psychosis.
“After his brother gave him a good whooping, Eli lost his shit. We’ve prescribed both Prozac and Viagra,” Said Dr. Seymore Freud. When asked why Viagra was recommended, he said, “If he can’t keep his balls in the air, maybe those pills can help him keep something else up.”