Style-conscious farmers do not want to be associated with, “overpaid douche bags.”
BLUE BALL, PA: Amish communities across Pennsylvania are demanding Red Sox players shave their beards, given how they now resemble 19th century farmers.
“That’s our look, it’s our style, and the Red Sox aren’t worthy of Amish beards,” said Erick Van Jorgenson, a local Blue Ball community leader. “And frankly, they are bunch of pussy’s who couldn’t handle two hours of hard labor.”
Red Sox players have gone so far as to nickname their beards. Mike Napoli refers to his beard as the, “Siesta.”
Mr. Van Jorgenson finds the nicknames rather odd. “Siesta? Ironsides? Whatever. What’s next, are they going to start nicknaming their pubes?”