NEW YORK: A recent study confirmed that viewers who tune into Fox News are unable to distinguish the female anchors from actresses who appeared on Dallas during the 1980’s.
Experts believe this is done purposely to appeal to the channel’s target audience: Overpaid baby-boomer white men and submissive housewives.
“There’s a certain style that reflects Fox female anchors. They where enough layers of foundation to warrant the interest of anthropologists, given the layers of sediment they are used to working with. Their glowing red lipstick can stop traffic at intersections and they where enough hair spray to burn holes in the ozone layer.” Said the Editor in Chief of Allure, Ivana Humpalot.
Similar to the cast of Dallas, women on the show blew out their hair and glommed on make up with relentless abandon. Identifying Fox anchors from actresses who appeared on the show was all but impossible to consumers who were surveyed.
“In order to turn Fox programming into a drama series, al they need are a few douche bag male anchors like J.R. Ewing. Given Fox’s lack of actual news reporting, it might make sense for them to do this.”