Study Finds Husbands Benefit When Mothers Manage Late-Night Feedings

Doctors cite benefits when Fathers recover from work-related stress and daily pressures of life.

Screen shot 2013-12-20 at 4.50.23 AMNEW YORK:  The Federal Parenting Authority (F.P.A.) published a report highlighting the benefits when Mothers take full-time responsibility of late-night feedings.

The F.P.A. board, composed entirely of men, endorsed the report.  “Our findings conclude that Father’s of newborns need eight hours of uninterrupted sleep to function properly during the day,” said the board’s President, Mark Johnson.  “This will provide quality bonding time between Mother and child.”

The board recommended alarm clocks and baby monitors be positioned on the Mother’s side of the bed and earplugs for their husbands.

Editors at several leading parenting titles refuted the findings.  “That’s a complete crock of bullsh*t.  Who are these guys?  The F.P.A.?  Does the acronym stand for, The Federal Pussy Authority?” said Hillary Rodhammer of Parenting Time magazine.

The sixty page document details steps Fathers can take to alleviate stress accrued during the day.  “Sleep is the first priority, followed by downtime with the children.  We also recommend time to exercise, read, play music, poker and drinking with the guys and of course daydreaming.”

The report also found that Mothers had higher thresholds for sleep deprivation and baby crying.

“I bet they did” said Ms. Rodhammer, “when you have a bunch of Federal research nerds boozing it up and promoting excuses, I’m surprised they didn’t recommend strippers and bong hits.”

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