Sans DVR ad skipping, exposure to Bud Light Ads every three minutes increases risk of widespread insanity.
NEW YORK: Advertising tactics during live NFL playoff games, one of the last bastions of real-time broadcast advertising, are driving consumers mad.
According to Consumer Reports, the risk of insanity increases tenfold when the same exact ad is watched every three minutes. Based on the playoff ad schedule that ran this past weekend, experts believe Americans are at the breaking point.
“It’s not only seeing the same ad again and again, consumers will be driven mad by repeatedly watching the same horrible ad execution,” said Don Draper, a well-respected ad consultant.
John Webber, an NFL fan of twenty-something years, found himself buying a case of Bud Light after the Denver-San Diego game at 11:00 PM Sunday evening. “I hate this shit! It’s piss water, but I kept seeing that damn superstitious ad and I could not resist going to the liquor store.”
Consumer Reports spokesperson, Betsy Flanders, confirmed that the high frequency of bad advertising directly relates to insanity. “It’s Chinese Water Torture for consumers. Stop the game, cue up that stupid Bud Light commercial, repeat every three minutes. It’s mad I tell you! And the NFL is just as guilty. They break to commercial every chance they get. If a coach farts, they break to commercial.”
“When you watch the same ad repeatedly on cable TV, you get upset. When you get upset, you look for an outlet. When you walk down the street and find a liquor store, you buy a case of beer advertised during the game. When you drink that case of beer, your wife finds you piss drunk on the front lawn. After your wife finds you, you find yourself in divorce court where your wife gets your new 60-inch TV. Don’t let your wife get your new 60-inch TV, switch to Direct TV.” Smirked Don Draper.