FORT LEE: Concerned his image has been permanently damaged from the bridge scandal, Governor Christie committed himself to keeping all lanes open.
Riding on a Star Ways Tauntaun, reporters witnessed the Governor going back and forth across the bridge while waiving to drivers.
“Hey, you got a hot dog in that car?” Said the famished Governor. The driver subsequently gave him the bird.
Jack Schutter, Press Director for New Jersey, cited Chris Christie’s improving image. “Every day the lanes remain open is another opportunity for Christie to restore his prestige. So he’s taking no chances.”
The Tauntuan seemed encumbered by the enormity of the Governor. At one point the animal keeled over and collapsed, reminding reporters of a similar scene in The Empire Strikes Back. Fortunately, the Press Director stopped an ill-tempered Guido with a buck knife from cutting him open to keep the Governor warm.
“I was like, hell yeah, I’ll help Christie like Han Solo did in that movie,” said the Guido.
Christie thanked him for his support and asked him if he had any Ring Dings. The angry young man told the Governor to shove an EZ-Pass monitor straight up his ass.