The following disclaimer applies to any persons, groups, nations or overtly sensitive individuals that are unfamiliar with satire. Thus, we will hence forth cover our ass to insure that our freedom of speech is preserved.
ARTICLE I, SECTION I
IF… you are a public figure: You have the right to remain silent, or you can post a reply to defend yourself (i.e. man up). Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of public opinion. You have the right to an attorney, as anyone does. If that lawyer is assigned to investigate false accusations, quotes or opinions reflected in this blog, kindly tell him to, ‘Bring It.’ If you cannot afford a lawyer, The Goose will appoint to one to you free of charge. Trust us, this lawyer sucks. He’s paid for and compensated by The Goose, therefore anything you do in regard to legal action will.. again… be used against you in the court of public opinion.
ARTICLE I, SECTION 2
IF… you believe something in this blog is incorrect or inaccurate, chances are it is. It’s called satire, anything is fair game. It’s also called humor, or at least by our definition. More often than not, quotes are untrue, ill conceived and not based on any real reporting.
ARTICLE 2, SECTION 456
IF… You believe we’re pushing the limits, that we’re testing people, that we are trying to ‘irk’ a group or person, that is one of our core goals. We are literary punks. Joe Strummer would have been proud of our conception and without question, our execution. If you are the target of one of our posts, we recommend downloading the track, Clash City Rockers, plugging in your headphones, turning it all the way up, and smashing something that a loved one of yours will not miss. Get over it, stop being a bitch, or post a reply.
ARTICLE 3, SECTION 340,909,309,873,098
IF… You do not think we have the right to blog, or have the right to make up quotes, people, names, events or places, we address your attention to the first amendment of the United States Contsitution, which reads as such:
Freedom of Speech, Press, Religion and Petition Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Please note, being highlighted by The Goose, in many social circles, is considered an honor. To say you’ve, ‘Been Goosed,’ is as equally honorable as to be ‘Punked’ by Ashton Kutcher.
And if you’re still really pissed… well… tough shit.